Until Then.......You Are Here

Happy New Year everyone. It's me again Mamma, Ms. Kemp sitting in her office alone for a change thinking about what this new day in this new year in this new decade really means to me.
So much has happened in the previous year that I must recap quickly.
I had major surgery and lost my life for a brief moment living only by the pump of a life support machine. I lost blood, had three blood transfusions, lost body parts and lost weight.
I lost my consignment store. Yes I let it go but it had gone for some time. I still have the building and I am still here working it out.
I lost money this year, I lost friends either through communication or death I lost some.
I lost the King of Pop yes my first crush EVER.
I lost my long term relationship with someone I love dearly to this day who decided he just wasn't coming back. No answers no whys, nothing just a disappearing act. As if there are not enough men out there leaving families.
I look back on 2009 and weep for all that I lost inside not tears just sadness. Sitting here thinking of what could have been, should have been but wasn't and is not.
Toward the latter part of the year I realised I was someone different. You ever have that happen to you? You just wake up and you KNOW that you know that you KNOW that this is it. The day something different begins. That happened from November to December 2009 I noticed it.
December 31, 2009 completed my 90 day Paradigm Shift. I thought that the shift would be miraculous. I thought I would see money falling out of the sky and my love life restored. I thought my businesses would be flourish. None of those things happened. Something else did.
I became someone else.
Yes. I did. And I like her. She is clear, to the point, strong and resilient. Hmmm. She just showed up all of a sudden out of nowhere.
I am that person now who makes decisions and not wait for them to be made for me. I no longer sit in boxes where people want me. I am the leader in my world an I am not ashamed to admit that.
During my paradigm shift I experienced the birth of the woman I am now. I can see the difference. I don't have time for foolishness and things that make no sense. I don't have time for silly men with silly thoughts putting me where they want me to be. They will have to find me from here on out. I am the wind and the hurricane. They must follow me. That goes for anyone.
The breath I took this morning was so light and airy and I had pep in my step. I was not sad not upset that I made it to 2010. I was overjoyed and clear on what my steps are at this point. I want to live out my life fulfilling my destiny. Focusing on creating and creating more and loving and loving more and living more and caring more and growing and expanding more.
In my shift I realized that as I changed things around me would change. Money, possessions and lots more things like the people in my life and all of that. What I know is I attracted and repelled all at the same time. But today at this moment I am happy. I sleep well since my decision to not wait but be proactive in all things.
So my ultimate goal in life is to be happy. That way I can attract more of the things that will make me happy and those around me. False hope? Well I can either look at the rotten apples and cry or make some apple pies how bout that?
Let me share something with you. Before I woke out of my coma, I saw my mother she pushed me and said "You are not ready".
I wanted to stay but she pushed me again and said "You are not ready". The last push woke me up looking down at tubes coming out my nose throat and neck and arms and my belly. I saw my chest rise and fall.
I remember tears falling on my cheeks and was strapped down so I could not move my hands to wipe them away. I was hurt because I could not stay where I was. I knew at that moment what I was up against. Therapy, bills from everywhere and everyone, a business that I did not know how it was doing and no one to care for it while I was ill, children who were with my sweetheart at the time. It was a lot of strain on a lot of people. Food, clothing, for kids, helping with school and homework all of that.
I remember me thinking throughout the year of 2009 "Why am I still here? When will I get a chance to go back to that beautiful place? I wanna go home"
I can remember only one quote from my mother in my mind "You are not ready yet"
Then a quote from the movie one of my favorites "The Last Samurai" - "Until Then.....You Are Here"
So from that final date they will place on obituaries and headstones for me and in the newspapers about my life I am still working on the dash between that and my birth date.
Gleefully I submit this to you for the new year. Do not sit and wait for the day to come for you to live your life, or be happy or go to school, or make millions, or marry. Until that time you have a life to live. Live your journey, experience in it all that it has to offer you. Learn new things, a new language, change careers, anything that you can think of.....is possible.
Because as the Last Samurai said ...."UNTIL THEN......YOU ARE HERE"

Now live.

I know I am and I want you to join me as I live out loud until then.

Til Next Time,

Mamma (Y've)