Ok this is a simple one here.
I talk to so many moms out there like myself that happen to not be married and handling everything on their own. Most single moms handle it all on their own from the bills, to the clothes to the shoes, food and bed linens, toilet paper and dishes and car notes and insurance and getting kids back and forth to all kinds of activities.
I could go on and on and on about what we moms deal with on a day to day basis.
I spoke with a young woman that is the single mother of five children of which she gets no child support at all. She works at a local retailer and literally cannot get ahead because her entire life is about her children and providing for them. Three of the childrens' fathers are all in prison and she is at her wits end with trying to get the others to pay for their responsibility or spend time with their children.
Her question to me is " I want to have more money to do what I need to do. I want to be able to have more money to buy then clothes or get a better place to live but I can't get their dad's to give me a dime. They say that I will spend the money on getting my hair and my nails done and I make too much where I work to even get food stamps enough to last the month and all I got is Medicaid. I want to go back to school but how can I?"
Well one thing is for sure is I can relate to this.
My response to this poor girl is first off keep your heard up. This is only temporary. I want you to know that I have been where you are and really are not out of the woods yet.
Child support for all of those that don't know is not for the mother to keep herself looking good it is to keep the bills paid, it is to put food on the table and have a place to stay and a bed to sleep in at night. This takes care of gas for the car to get children back and forth to school, games, activities and the like. It helps to support the mother as she is working herself to pay for other things depending on what her income will provide.
Many fathers get this one wrong. I have heard so many fathers refuse to pay child support for some of the most ridiculous reasons and to hear that a mother is going to get her hair and her nails done with his money is absurd. So sadly I say to you and anyone else, time to get child support recovery on the case. What I have learned from my own personal experience is that once you file you must continue to push the issue with your local office until you get results. That does not mean putting it on the case manage but helping in anyway that you can. Showing up and reminding the already over burdened case manager that you need to have that support as soon as possible. I do know that is what worked for me and I am about to head out and do it again.
I am going to go here and admit I have no compassion for a man that does not take care of the children that he has fathered. I am shocked and amazed that many defend their decision to not provide. It makes me sad that they are always trying to find ways to make the mother who is doing it all alone look bad. But that is usually to make themselves feel better about where they are.
Now let me touch on this as well. I don't care that he doesn't have a job. Kids are not to be put on a shelf until you get it together. That is not the way that it works. The children still live and breathe and all of that even when you are not working so I say to anyone out there that knows of a parent not paying child support remind them to get on it. That it is not about the mom it is about the children and what they need and only that. Think about all of the things that mom has to do while you are out and about freely. Oh enough of that.
To the mom with the five children wanting to go back to school. Hey there are online programs that you can apply to if you cannot make it because of obligations to the kids. Correspondence schools are also a good way to go and don't forget that you will be able to get in touch with your local social services office for support for training and education. Most local programs offer free day care and tuition for 6 month programs to get yourself out of retail and into a trained profession. Least that would be something to hold you over til you could stand up a bit more.
I know this is not pretty what I am saying but this is truth. No time to cry just gotta roll up your sleeves girl and get busy.
Well what would you suggest for her?
Come on I know someone has something to say. Positive supportive posts only anything else will be deleted.
Til Next Time,
Mamma (Y've)
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