I Listened To My Self

I remember moving to Camden, Arkansas after having lived in Atlanta, Georgia for like 15 years. It was the hardest decision I ever had to make leaving the city that I loved so much to make a start fresh in a place I knew nothing about. A city girl moving to the country to live in the sticks.
Well what I was not aware of back then when I sadly left a four bedroom house with an office, my dog Johnson, and drove my very pregnant ass to Bearden, Arkansas with my Uncle Isaac assisting and my Dad driving a van with what I could fit in there was that I called my situation. Let me explain that. Whenever I would get stressed out about the traffic from driving through Buckhead to get to GA 400 to get to my office in Alpharetta, I would literally be sitting in traffic sometimes two hours saying over and over "If I could just get to the woods I would just sit there and live in the sticks and trees be near my dad. I can't stand this traffic" Oh yeah I did that.



I can remember meeting KJ's dad when I would visit my dad in Bearden, Arkansas when I was about 15. He had the most beautiful dark eyes and the longest eyelashes. I felt something back then that I always carried after my time with him. I always wondered where he was, so each time I would call home or visit, I would ask. So I knew when he got married, when his daughter was born, when he went to the Navy, went overseas. 18 years of thinking about this person and literally run into him in Walmart checking him out not KNOWING it was him. We chatted during a tornado and it was my brother that came in saying you don't remember who this is? I had no idea. But I had been calling him, speaking that time and space I would see him again. Now mind you he ran out the door just as shocked but he confided later he ALWAYS asked how I was for years. I found out later as well that he went to college in Atlanta and lived in the same apartment complex I did at the SAME TIME and when I moved to Macon for a minute he was there literally around the corner at his mom's house the entire time I was living there. I didn't know. What I DO know was that I asked about him all the time.
So when I moved here to Camden, Arkansas they made me take a driver's test to get my license from Georgia transferred to Arkansas. So I had to get the book, read it and take the dang test. Lovely. I kept that book and read it daily for like three months. Always knowing if I took it I would fail. I hate tests me with my IQ? I hate em. One day it came to me I woke up looked at the ceiling and heard with peace "Go take it today you will pass." I did. Took the thing in five minutes I literally flew through it. I said I would pass it I did. Simple right?
This weekend I had an epiphany,(trust me I am going somewhere with this) I have created my situation. All of it. Right down to where my business is, my situation with Kevin, my big brother friend, all of it.
But I am learning something else as well. That even in my creating there is a wisdom within me that I am learning to listen to the most. For guidance.
My life is changing this very moment. I wanted to work a marathon this weekend to make some money to get last minute gifts this weekend on one of my online jobs, and found out through no fault of my own that I was deactivated from a program I have worked for four years! Funny I was not upset, I was not confused or anything. What I heard within myself was this "It's time your marathon this weekend is to prepare for what is here already. Get ready NOW" Not in words but thought. I brought this change I did it. I KNOW that I must make the moves now because something is coming that I called and I need to be prepared. So that has been what I have been focusing on all weekend long and no doubt I will be working on in to the new year.
What am I saying to you? Listen to yourself, look for the signs, they are everywhere and if you are not listening you need to be. Sit still you will hear yourself deep within your thoughts telling you no go here, do this or that.
So now I am blessed with more time and basically have been stagnant holding on to something that was not progressive only allowing me to waste time.
Get ready to sit still and hear yourself talk to yourself. That's called meditation, prayer, talking to God, your higher self. Sometimes they come in spurts, or thought, or words, or from someone else. It's all you and you will NEVER steer you wrong.
This is a photo of me with a thought manifested. Kevin would say over and over "I always wanted a son." For two years. Well here he is. Kevin Jr. Listen...just listen














(For Keia Workingsol thank you)




Til Next Time,

Mamma (Y've Kemp)