 |
| My little brothers and Me |
I am in that age bracket where really you are still young but your body is saying things like "Ummm I don't think so buddy, slow it down"
I am in that age bracket where it seems like no matter how much I work out I am still more sore, more tired and still very, very, very soft.
I am in that age bracket where my tolerance for bullshit is null. Don't have it and don't want and when I look back on my life I can't believe I tolerated the shit I did. Yep I said it. I cursed and so what if I did? I'm 40, how bout that?
I am in that age bracket where people make decisions like second mortgage, or new car, more college or new husband? Do I open a new business or begin life all over again doing something totally going towards the grain I should have done in the beginning of my life?
This is a cool number really because I can tell the difference in my emotional self. I don't need your approval, permission or say so to go ahead and do what the unction in my mind is telling me to do. I don't need to allow you to have more space in my life than you deserve. And really doll, do you deserve to be in my space? Come on now.....
I am in this age bracket where what my kids do bothers me very little but if the need be I will move a tiny planet to discipline you when I have had enough and I will also love and nurture you when I know you need me most.
I am no longer this love starved woman who looked for that "feeling" to consider being in love. I am not that age where I thinking "house? check. job? does he like my children? check. does he like me? check. is he responsible? check. Can he support me and love me through thick and thin when no one else will, will he be there when I get sick, is this person not only my lover but my friend. Does he really give a damn about what people think about us when we are out in public. Better yet does he want to be seen in public with me? Does he care that my tits are not perked up on my chest like they used to be? Does it matter that I have some thinning hair along my hairline now? Is he the kind of person that will put me and my children first or does he still want to play games and pretend like we have all of the time in the world to play cat and mouse. Wait, wait....does he have a plan for his life that includes me? Or is he just passing through? If brother man is passing through he needs to pass me by. How bout that?
I will fire a client now. Yes I will. If you irritate me and allow me to lose my sense of peace and balance I will cut your tail loose.
I notice now that I am at this age I am happy with me. Where I am in this process of life enjoying the pieces that right now really matter. Family, love, friends that love you and have become family, my spiritual life what ever that may be for me.
I am able to cut people loose that are seeking to destroy me for whatever silly assed reason and now I know I can do anything I choose.
I love my life...where it is right now and I am ok with the process of starting over in this new space and time in my life to only go to another level. Not starting over in the sense of losing it all. I am start over because I officially realize that I have upgraded my software. I am an upgraded model of my former self.
I like that.
I think I will end with that.
Til next time,
Mamma (Y've)
No comments:
Post a Comment