Ok there I said it. I finally admitted to the world that I am not in control of my life. I of course have free will and choices that I make but somewhere there is a blueprint for me to follow and no matter what I do in my life, I am going to end up at the destination that my blueprint designed for me. (Some believe that we lay out our own blueprint before we are born who knows?).
See this passion and drive that I have right now for my project just sent me another client. How cool is that? What is even better is that they prepaid for their service one month in advance. This gesture was done at a time when I knew I was doing nothing but making a mistake with the business decision I was making about following my dream.
I literally had turned off the lights in the store and my offices, locked the building and was leaving to give up this silly assed notion I had that what I saw in my mind could actually become real enough for others to believe in it too. I was frustrated and cockeyed hot at myself for even thinking that me, I, MOI, ME could do this thing I'm doing.
That's when my office phone rang. I answered with an angry whisper, pissed that someone had interrupted my temper tantrum I was having with God. But they needed my service and they wanted to do it today like in thirty minutes. I mean they wanted to pay me. Lord knows I needed that cause I was seeing red from each bill I have to my patience level with everything.
God knew what I needed to keep me going or I was going to walk and leave my opportunity. I felt like I was never going to see evidence that I was on to something, but that call did it.
Now I didn't say that I was still wondering day to day "What am I doing?", but what I am doing now is learning that sometimes we don't have to understand, we just have to know, trust, believe.
Somewhere in that the pain will become joy and the rain will become sunshine.
Hmmmm I do believe I see a rainbow over the horizon........
Til Next Time,
Mamma
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