Am I Losing My Daughter?

Imani aged 5

Another eventful day has come and gone and left me with my thoughts about my children. I sat here working on a project that I am sure you all have heard about if you listen to my little reality show,..which is the homecoming after party here in this tiny dying town that I live in.
We are making the signs and doing interviews to help promote it for the local residents as well as have something to do. Which is great by all accounts.
As the hustle of the day began to wind down and Lili had finished writing the number four on her worksheet and KJ was nestled under his blankie with Little Bill playing in the background I was left with my 14 year old to share the office with.
Hmmmm so silent. I asked her to do a couple of things and she did them in silence. Complete and utter silence. I find that to be interesting as this was the child that has been with me the most and adored me at one point. I literally could do no wrong.
If I wanted to dance to salsa music around the house she would dance with me and be my partner. When I went to work out at the track or gym, she was my exercise buddy to cheer me on looking up at me in awe.
I would get handmade gifts for all the holidays which I still have. There is one she made for me that spelled out my name and each one was about how wonderful and fabulous I was in her little 9 year old eyes. I looked at it the other day and smiled.
Now she wants to chat on the phone with friends, while listening to online music til all hours of the day and night. She lives on Facebook and has a social life that I never had at her age and I am no longer the Mama she was nuts about, I am the embarrassing Mamma with the skinny locks who listens to DJ Tiesto waaay too loud as I am chauffeuring her from after school practices to home. I am now the Mama that talks to much and is too nosey. I am the Mama that is not fast enough to buy the latest fashion or quiet enough where she won't be too embarrassed when I open my mouth to say what I feel around her teachers and friends.
Somehow I am now a shadow, a part of her life but not her life anymore. I am there but I am not. She drew the line and it is apparent that she has moved on with another part of her life and I am sitting her wondering where she is even while she sits right next to me on the other computer, giggling on Facebook chatting with friends about this or that and I am not allowed in on the fun. :(
I wonder if I will ever get her back? Will I ever stop being the annoyance it is obvious that I am to her in her life right now?
Well one thing is for sure, I made it through Timeka who is dear to my heart and is my first born. She is an adult now to the world but to me she is still my child, my baby, my responsibility. She came back, somehow she showed up again with a simple card that said "I heard you Ma".
I hope that Imani will come home again too.
Until then I will miss her as she grows up and away right in front of my eyes.

Imani High School Freshman

Til next time.

Mamma